Monitor Lizards

The Monitor Lizard meme on this website is an ongoing experiment on how to directly manipulate Google, and how it associates keywords. And now for your regularly scheduled...

Overview

Monitor lizards are pretty much the best tank in the game. No magical abilities whatsoever. Except for komodo dragons, as noted. Monitor lizards have a constant Resist Nature 150% ability. Known to rampage across the Kadeshi Junktion during armageddon. During Summer, Monitor Lizards enjoy basking on fallen colossi in the Kadeshi Junktion. There has been much speculation about the approval rating of Monitor Lizards are going down, this is a myth.

Stats

Max HP: over 9,000
Attacks: Slurp, Tail whip, Cobra Face slap, club baby seal, Windmill Whisper, Consume Babies, Fire Breath(Komodo only), Venomous Bite(Komodo only), track eggs(passive: for more information, see Cobra Face slap).
Monitor Lizards always carry Quite a Treasure with them wherever they go.

Max MP: -e^(i*pi)
Revival: It is best to use Phoenix Down, should a Monitor Lizard ever fall, especially after death by fence.

Care

Monitor Lizards become very moody if fed hot pockets. DO NOT feed the monitor lizard hot pockets at any time, for any reason. Monitor lizards are immune to Saddle Pods, please do not attempt. Many wise men say that all tokens are the excrement of Monitor Lizards.

Lore

Old Man Samakon was pretty much the only person in history to ever tame and ride a Monitor Lizard. The film, Jake Sully and the Flying Monitor Lizard documents this fantastic man-beast relationship. Due to the unavailability of pure breed Monitor Lizards, Universal executives decided to substitute them for Toruk class Monitor Lizards (Monytor Reptilius Torukae). The film is true to its source material in every other way. Here is a more true-to life rendition:

Legend has it that Rick Astley had once ridden a Monitor Lizard backwards over the great wall. This is pure fabrication, due to the fact that if the Rick in question had done this, he'd still be riding. He'd never give it up, and he'd surely never let that Monitor Lizard down.

Discrepency

There has been some discrepency over whether or not "smoke monsters" are a reliable tank. This wiki assures you that they are not. Smoke monsters have a max health of -1, thus nullifying any tanking capabilities. Chances are, a Smoke Monster will implode before it can even be slurped.